In My Dearest Memories
by guren666
Summary: Implied Bagginshield, written from Bilbo's POV. Sad feels, prepare tissues.


They say that when you die, you´ll join your ancestors. I don´t know if that´s true or not, but I hope he reached them. Both he and his nephews. Everything has gone back to normal. More or less. I´ve returned back home; to Shire. Thorin´s last words gave me strenght to continue with my life. He was everything to me. He was my first and true love. I´ve never got a chance to express myself. Fate has decided that I´ll stay here a while longer. Bittersweet memories haunted me for six years. From time to time I would dream about our journey, about our hug at Carrock, about our stay in Laketown, about the madness sparkling in his eyes. About his forgiving words, calling me a true friend. A tear escaped down my cheek. Silly me. I wiped it away. It´s not like the dwarf would want me to dwell and mourn his death forever. The day of anniversary of Battle of Five Armies as some called it was approaching.

I´ve been summoned every year since to pray my respects to Thorin, Kili and Fili. But I couldn´t. Too painful for me. This year, I´m going to go. I´ll travel with Gandalf, my dear friend. Road is less dangerous with him. We´ll rest at Rivendell, then at Beorn´s and then maybe Dale and last stop is Lonely Mountain. I´ve packed my things for the long journey ahead and a knock on my front door alerted me of his arrival. My wizard friend was right on time for once.

Lonely Moutain was prospering. We didn´t waste any time and went straight to visit their graves in the royal tomb. Dáin, the King under the Mountain granted us permission. Once we entered, we´ve met gazes of Company members. We´ve exchanged greetings and such. I was happy to see them. They were all doing fine. They have already paid their respects to the Durins, so they left me and the wizard alone in the royal tomb. I´ve approached Fili´s and Kili´s graves. They had their entire lifes before them. What cruel fate decided that they had to die in that moment? I knelt down and placed some mountain flowers on the gravestones. "Fili, Kili... my dear friends. I´m sorry that I couldn´t have come sooner. I was a coward, afraid to come here. It´s not fair that you had to leave so early. I hope you´ve reached the halls of Mahal. There, I´m sure you´ve met your father. I hear he was a great dwarf, just like you two. I will never forget you two. You can rest now. We´ll meet again, in next life. However short out time together was, I will never regret knowing you, Kili, Fili. You´ll always be in my heart. Farewell." I bowed and moved towards Thorin´s as my final stop. Gandalf excused himself and went upstairs. I always had a feeling he knew more than he said. He saw through me. I knelt down in front of a grand grave with Thorin´s name.

"Thorin... long time no see, my friend. It´s been six years already. I´ve gotten older, but not wiser. If I were wiser, I would have come sooner. Facing the cruel reality is not something a merry, easy – going hobbit like me enjoys. This year, I simply had to come. There is something on my mind that has been troubling me. I´ve never quite got a chance to say why I came back when I escaped from the underground tunnels, remember? It was all due to my utmost feelings. Back then, I couldn´t explain them. It´s silly, isn´t it? The truth was all the time in front of me. It was your influence, Thorin. I came back because of you. Let me tell you; I have no regrets. Knowing you was the best that has happened to me in my life. We´ve been through many hardships. Remember the time with the three trolls? Or the time in the underground prison in elven kingdom? Or the escape in barrels? You know, I´ve been writing a book about our adventure. I´d called it There And Back Again. It´s a working title though. I´m not quite finished with it. The whole world should know about your heroic deeds, Thorin. There is one tiny detail that isn´t going to be in the book... it´s about you. Remember the acorn? I´ve planted it and..." I fished out an acorn from my pocket. "Here. This is its child. I´ve brought it to you. I figured you might like it." I put it on the tombstone and stepped back a few steps. Despite my sadness, I put up a smile. "I love you. And always will, Thorin Oakenshield. If we cross paths in next life, I hope we will be given opportunity to be together. Until then, I´ll cherish our memories. Farewell, my friend... my love." I bowed and turned on my heel. Tears found its way once again, but this time I did not hold them back.

After some time, I´ve reached the highest point and stood at the peak, cold breeze brushing my hair. I wasn´t alone. I had friends who loved me. I´ll live on and may we meet again, Thorin.

"Bilbo? Are you here? Balin was searching for you." I heard Gandalf´s voice. The breeze was rather nice and the setting sun was beautiful. How many sunsets will I see until I can meet him again? Who knows. For now...

"I´m here! I´m coming!"

Gandalf hugged me when I joined up with him. "Bilbo, my friend. You´ve made finally peace with your mind, didn´t you?"

I nodded. "Yes, I have. Come, let us meet with Balin. We have a lot catching up to do until I go back home. "

That´s right. I was sure that Thorin, Kili and Fili were watching over us from somewhere.

_- FIN -_

_AN – a personal fanfic dedicated in memory of my father, who died on 11th of January on Sunday six years ago. It´s the first time since then that both the date and day are identical. Thus, this little story. I know he´s with me, in my heart. All our loved ones are with us, living on in our memories and hearts. Also dedicated to the third Hobbit movie. I cried lots. T_T_


End file.
